Afraid of Opening Up

Too many people fear that after someone opens up his life, their responsibility is to rush in and somehow give answers or solutions to what the other person faces. And so we shoot from the hip: "Okay, thanks for sharing that with me. Now here is what you need to think...here is what you need to believe...here is what you need to do..." Or we stand around uncomfortably, afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Such responses crush openness. If you're concerned that your primary responsibility is to give advice, then relax. Responding to someone's invitation to be known doesn't mean he is necessarily asking for your advice on how to handle his situation. You're off the hook.

Conversely, to build strong relationships you will need to do more than endlessly wallow in your experiences together: "Oh, I struggle with that too! I don't know what to do with it either but we can talk about our shared experiences of struggling." That response sounds better than quickly giving advice, but it lacks a redemptive spin. There's no sense of forward progress.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 43.