Hospitality at the Heart of the Gospel

As with everything else in life, my fears and confidences in this area reflect my experience of the gospel. If I am hyper-afraid of being ripped off, then I don't really believe I have a gracious, generous God who has brought me into the richness of his family. But if I know that God has welcomed me to experience his riches, I care much less if someone ends up stealing from me.

In that respect, hospitality is more than a gamble on whether God may or may not bless you--hospitality sits at the heart of the gospel. And the gospel is the great equalizer between you and someone who might be tempted to abuse your kindness.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 241-242.

The (Necessary) Internal Attitude of Forgiveness

The internal attitude that expresses itself in forgiveness sets the foundation for any interaction that might take place in the future between you and the other person. It happens in your heart. It is a free letting go of the debt so that, as far as you are concerned, it is now canceled and you are no longer trying to wring it from the other person.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 224.

One More Verse?

Have you ever stopped to think how one additional verse in the Bible would have clarified so many of the differences between Christians? All God would have had to do to end hundreds of years of disagreements among millions of believers was add one verse that said: "Christian baptism is/is not for infants" or "believers will/will not live through the final tribulation." One verse would have been enough to end all debate.

Why didn't he? My former colleague David Powlison hit the nail squarely on the head when he suggested that part of God's purpose is to teach us that love must transcend our disagreements. Only by living peacefully with people whom we disagree with can some facets of real love be seen. Only then are those facets necessary.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 221.

No More War in You, No More Condemnation from God

There is no more wrath and anger from your Maker once you've been reconciled to him. He dealt with the internal problem so that your heart could no longer be troubled. Now that you have peace with him, the two of you will never be at war again. Even your present failures do not rekindle war in your heart nor judgment in his. That's the glory of Jesus' peace. Real peace does not leave you, not even when you sin. Instead, it continues growing, pulling you toward him like an irresistible magnet.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 220.

An Upward Focus Concerning God's Gifts

Whether I get the gift or you get the gift, we both have the opportunity to see our God more clearly because of it. Remembering that upward focus moves my eyes off you and me. I rejoice with you as I contemplate how he expressed his relationship with you. I concentrate on how he gave you exactly what you needed, how careful he was in choosing it, and how his timing was just right for you.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 205.

God's Gifts are Tailor-Made

God's gifts are perfect because he knows exactly what you need and he gladly, graciously gives according to your needs.

That's liberating news. When I realize that God makes his gifts fit each person, there's no way I can covet what you got because it just wouldn't fit me. It would be like me trying to wear the clothes of our 6' 4" elder. It doesn't matter how much I might like his style or how much I want to fill my closet, his clothes are just not going to fit me.

God's gifts are that specific as well. Being envious of you or desiring what you have misses the point that the things he's given you won't fit me. Instead of mass producing his gifts, God tailor fits every gift so that it is precisely right for the receiver.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 204.

Covetousness, Jealousy, and Envy

It's harder to be happy for you when my desires enter into the picture. Instead of focusing on you and your joy, my mind wanders to me and how much I would like to have what you got.

That's the root, isn't it, when I refuse to rejoice with you or force myself to act happy for you? I am thinking of what I didn't get. The three most common varieties of this are covetousness, jealousy, and envy. Covetousness focuses on the things someone else owns and says, "I want what you have!" Jealousy doesn't focus on things, but on a person, and proclaims, "I want to have you!" Envy takes your dissatisfaction with your own life almost to a pathological self-hatred: "I want to be you!" Covetousness, jealousy, and envy are three expressions of the belief that "If there were any justice in the world, what you have should belong to me. Somehow, somewhere, there's been a mistake and you got what I deserve."

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 200.

Submissive Love

Becoming what someone else needs me to be never ends. I went home that day and had more opportunities to shape myself around other people's interests: as husband, partner, father, homework tutor, friend, disciplinarian, sports coach, guide, flirtatious lover, animal trainer, maid, and repairman--in short, what different individuals needed me to be. I never stop being who I am, but what that looks like at any given moment depends both on who is in front of me and what that person needs. Submissive love does not come in a one-size-fits-all package.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 189.

"See a Need, Fill a Need!"

It's not always the size of our service that communicates love, but simply noticing what needs to be done and stepping in to do it.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 138.

The Importance of Encouragement

Encouragement is far more important than we often realize. It's an attitude that focuses more on the reality of what Christians are becoming than on where they are presently failing. You realize that, in the end, every one of God's children will end up pure and perfect because God has taken on himself the burden of purifying us. Then you emphasize where you see hints and glimmers of that future glory pressing itself into the present moment.

Encouragement is much more than a pat on the back. It's inviting someone to become aware of the evidence in her life that shows God is at work.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 125.

Talking in Healthy Relationships

As you scan the New Testament examples and commands, you quickly realize how much emphasis God puts on speaking well. Healthy relationships are marked by human conversation extending the conversation God has initiated with his people.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 122.

Pursuing Straying People

Straying people struggle to believe they're wanted. Deep conviction feels like wearing a heavy coat of shame. People in that condition need to know there are wide open, welcoming arms longing to embrace them--literally, not just figuratively. Pursuing them means letting them know how much you want their friendship.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 110.

Horizontal Relationships Based on a Vertical Relationship

But you do need to recognize that your most important human relational clusters are based on the type of relationship you have with your Maker. Your shared horizontal relationships are dependent on a shared vertical one because your vertical relationship defines who you are, what you value, and where you're going. Therefore, you can develop close, satisfying relationships with people who on the outside, seem to have little in common with you--because you have the same core.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 89.

Personal Transformation in Community

But if you are friends with Jesus, the presence of ungodliness in your life brings you remorse because you really do want a friendship with him more than with anything else. If that's you, Communion helps you realize that he doesn't hold those disloyal moments against you, even though by rights he should. He continues inviting you to a relationship with him, despite knowing dividedness will remain in your heart while you are on this earth.

Those simultaneous proclamations of my need and his invitation realign me personally to live my daily life by faith, but they take place among my relationships with others. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 that, while we individually participate in Christ as we receive Communion, we do so as part of one body. Communion is not a solo undertaking. Being transformed into God's likeness--while on our way to live with him forever--happens as we journey together in hopeful, hope-filled relationships.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 77.

Communion

It's a meal that remembers what Jesus did so I can be friends with God. But as I remember what he did, I also have to remember why he did it. Jesus died for me because I'm a failure. When I take the Communion elements, I announce to myself, to those around me, and to my Lord that I am a mess. I also announce that I didn't get over being a mess simply because Jesus rescued me. I won't ever get over my need for his death and resurrection. I won't get past it. I won't outgrow it. That's why we repeat Communion so frequently.

Sharing in Communion is one of the most authentic, honest activities you can participate in. When you remember Christ's death, you remember and re-proclaim your own weaknesses, failures, and moral inadequacies. You proclaim that you just cannot do it on your own. That you don't need a jump start for a dead battery--you need an entirely new engine block. The days I'm surprised at how big a mess I am are the days I've forgotten the faith I say I believe.

But while I proclaim my need, I also announce that in a very important way, God is okay with me being a mess. If he weren't, he would never have told you to keep Communion until he returns. That shows you the nature of his heart. He's not scowling, barely putting up with you. He's inviting you over and over again, "Come over here! Come and get what you need! Come and eat in my presence. Be fed on far more than a mouthful of cracker and juice."

In other words, he never expected that you would be perfect by now, yet he still longs to live with you. He isn't surprised that you need Communion again, and he is under no delusion that a time is coming in this life when you won't. He continues to offer to live with you and share himself with you, despite your ongoing imperfections.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 76.

Patiently Bearing with Each Other

Slowly I have come to realize that my calling in every one of my relationships is to live with sinful people the rest of my life. Like me, each person in my life is weak or sinful in some way. But that doesn't mean I am supposed to manipulate or nag them. Instead, I am to bear patiently with the things that are difficult for me to accept or that annoy me. Not to condone sin, but to realize frankly that people do sin and will need help. I am called to create healing relationships to care for those who are damaged, rather than throwing away the damaged or seeing them as an embarrassment.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 75.

Sin: A Corporate Opportunity for Love

Until Jesus returns, you and I will wrestle with our own sinful inclinations, but he doesn't expect us to do it on our own. When people fail, their failure doesn't disconnect them from each other. Instead, their individual problem becomes a corporate opportunity--an opportunity to love and be loved in a way that leads to restoration with each other.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 74.

Living Well with Broken People

Living "happily ever after" is not the goal. Living well with broken people is.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 70.

Reenergized by Jesus' Forgiveness

To reenergize yourself in your human relationships you need to relive the wonder of Jesus not treating you as your sins deserve. You and I will pass along to others only the amount of graciousness that we presently experience.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 65-66.

Being Sinned Against: Opportunities to Show God's Kindness

Instead of welcoming opportunities to show God's kindness, I have worked hard to minimize the ways people are able to sin against me.

I have had countless conversations with my wife geared entirely toward this thought: how can I say this the best way possible so that we don't ever have this conversation again? I've tried the time-honored traditions of threatening my children so they won't dare cross me or, when that hasn't worked, the equally time-tested option of bribing them to leave me alone. With other people, I've tried bullying and intimidating when I can get away with it, or ignoring and running away when I can't. All of these approaches have one thing in common: they are strategies for making sure people won't sin against me.

Simultaneously, they are strategies for making sure people never see the grace of God from me either. Being his ambassador means that when you sin against me, you should see a reflection of his grace in me. Small, to be sure, but an accurate picture of him nonetheless. Conversely, when I work to insulate myself from others' failings, I take away the context that would let them see a likeness of Christ's merciful response to sin. Keeping safe from others carries the steep price of preventing them from seeing Jesus and trusting me.

That means that if you want to love people well, you have to learn to see people sinning against you as normal, daily opportunities instead of unusual, unwanted interruptions. Without becoming paranoid, you should expect people to sin against you instead of being surprised when they do.

--William P. Smith, Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) (Greensboro, NC: New Growth, 2012), 63-64.