Identifying Spiritual Gifts Biblically

One of the bad fruits of an "I" church is that we don't tell people when they bless us. If someone has taught Sunday school and helped us understand a passage of Scripture, then we should tell the person and encourage his or her gift. If worship leaders left us rejoicing that we have been with God's people in his presence, then thank them for the specific ways they blessed you and the church. No one should have to ask what their gifts are; we should tell people their gifts as they minister to us.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 205.

Spiritual Gift Obsession

As a counselor, I have spoken with many people who want to know their spiritual gifts. They come hoping for some sort of diagnostic test that will precisely locate them. My impression is that this perspective represents a breakdown in the church. It reflects a church where we are running around as self-actualizing individuals rather than uniting as a God-glorifying community.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 204.

Jesus, the Need-Changer

[W]e should be careful about saying, "Jesus meets all our needs." At first, this has a plausible biblical ring to it. Christ is a friend; God is a loving Father; Christians do experience a sense of meaningfulness and confidence in knowing God's love. It makes Christ the answer to our problems. Yet if our use of the term "needs" is ambiguous, and its range of meaning extends all the way to selfish desires, then there will be some situations where we should say that Jesus does not intend to meet our needs, but that he intends to change our needs.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 89.

Needs

But just because I feel a "need" to be loved doesn't mean that this desire is really a "God-given need," a "legitimate need," or a "primal need." Perhaps what I am calling "need" is really disappointment or grief, or perhaps it is my demandingness and lust.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 88-89.

When Desire becomes Demand

The loss of good relationships with family members is grievous, and the desire to have good relationships is strong. It is not this desire that constitutes the fear of people. It is when desires are elevated to demands that there are detectable people-idols in our lives. It is when desires become demands that we are more concerned about our desires than the glory of God.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 69.

The Continual Presence of Shame

The presence of others leaves us feeling exposed. However, even though it feels as if other people are doing the exposing, in reality we carry the shame with us all the time. Other people simply trigger its appearance.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 35.

The Problem with Thinking Self-Esteem is the Problem

You can't simply confer self-esteem upon another person. To assume that other people can control our view of ourselves is what creates low self-esteem in the first place!

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 29.

Fear of Man

1. We fear people because they can expose and humiliate us.
2. We fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise us.
3. We fear people because they can attack, oppress, or threaten us.

These three reasons have one thing in common: they see people as "bigger" (that is, more powerful and significant) than God, and, out of the fear that creates in us, we give other people the power and right to tell us what to feel, think, and do.

--Edward T. Welch, When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1997), 23.